So I am one day late on day four of blogtember, partly because I wasn’t sure what to write about when it came to discussing a time when I was afraid. I even discussed it with my friend during our workout yesterday.
Of course, I’ve had to have been afraid. However, I do not have one of those life changing, your life stops in in tracts moments.
As I think about it, most of whatever fear I have had in my life has basically been anxiety based. More thought created than real and over the years I’ve developed my own techniques for coping. (Hey, I’m a girl who has worked on her stuff).
I’m also a little bit of an adrenaline junkie – I zip line, I jump out of planes, love roller coasters. Never have I thought about what could happen. I simply trust that the zip line will work, the plane will fly and the roller coaster stays on tract. Perhaps that is also my faith.
As I continue to think back, there was one moment when I was a teenager that made me extremely uneasy. A moment when my heart was beating, breathing changed and I was in the fight or flight response.
There were always small things occurring at my Mom’s house when we were all living there together. Things would occur such as objects being moved (and my mom would blame my brother and me), noises such as a radio being heard but none was being played in the house. When my brother moved to the downstairs basement as a teenager he stated he heard footsteps upstairs often during the night and neither my mom or I would have been up. Our animals often would look up at the ceiling watching something we couldn’t see and my Mom’s last cat would often chase something throughout the house.
Nonetheless, we were never hurt and not truly scared. However, one time I was in the house alone (with our dog) and I heard our side door open and someone say “Sherri?” (only family calls me that) Our dog even went running into the front of the house and barked as a greeting. I walked down the hall into our kitchen thinking it was my Nanny, only to find the door locked, no one outside and our dog standing with his nose at the door (because he knew someone was there). This instance spooked me so much that I grabbed my things and got out of the house. (I left the dog, poor thing). After all, I heard someone say my name and the door open!! Something or someone had been there.
The energy in Mom’s house never hurt us but continued throughout the years. There were constant problems with electronics (James states there must be some type of burial ground!) 🙂 While Mom was sick and Nanny was staying with her, Nanny often heard soft music (and her hearing was not very good). After Mom’s death, I heard some music also and one day after putting a new light bulb in her walk in closet the day before – it went off on me. (I took it as Mom just didn’t want me there). And yes, I know light bulbs can go out!
For awhile after Mom’s death, I would walk into the house and say hello – to who ever or whatever. I’ve stopped doing that now. However, I still feel a presence of something.
Finally, I suppose I should acknowledge that I have always had a fear of the dark (and have beautiful small lights on in the house at all times). As long as there is light, I am OK. My friends in high school use to tease me when we went to competitions and stayed over night because I had to leave the bathroom light on (and close the door just so there was some light in the room).
Most of my fear, even the unknown voice I heard as a teenager, has always been thought created. I’m very fortunate that I do not have a life and death moment to discuss. I’ve learned that I can work through those thought created fears of the worse happening and to develop a game plan. I’ve also learned from the work that I have done with clients, if the worse fear does come through, there is hope to work through it. A few years ago I might have stated losing my Mom and Nanny and being without them was one of my greatest fears – but I’m making it day by day.
Face whatever fear it is you are having and realize you are bigger than it!