A Beginning | What I Am Becoming

I am both excited and scared to be sharing this post with you today.

When I began this blog, I planned for it to be a record of my grief journey but also my journey of rediscovery as I explored which direction to take my career and personal life. Over the past few years, I have been changing and growing with the events I have faced. I wish that as adults we had some form of measuring stick to show the world that we have grown and changed. Sadly, as adults we do not have pants that are too short or shoes that are too small. From a grief perspective, I have often felt as if I were in a cocoon. In the beginning the cocoon surrounded me in a layer of shock as I went through the obligatory tasks of estate planning and first year of holidays and anniversaries. Later, the cocoon acted as a barrier preventing me from going in directions that I did not need to go or were not meant for me. All this time, I have felt myself morphing and changing from the events. From the beginning, I prayed that God would help me to make something good from all that I have lost.

Growth is not an action that can be seen inch by inch. But I have felt each inch. 

When I left my full time grief counseling job, I knew I needed time to heal from my grief before I began to help others again. Actually, I was not even sure that I would return to counseling. I was lucky enough to teach additional college classes (and bring in some money) while I took care of myself.

From the beginning I’ve always wanted to have my own counseling practice but I also knew the stress of having your own business. It takes time to promote yourself, time to learn the ins and outs of working with insurance companies. It was nice to dream and say “Someday”.

I spoke with other private clinicians who provided encouragement and support. I knew I could do it but I didn’t have full motivation to take the steps needed. There were a few times when I wished it could all just happen without any of the hard work involved. For awhile I simply thought about and wanted to get a 20 -30 hour job with limited stress. The type of job where I could go to work, do my job and go home. It sounded like a good idea. I randomly started applying for jobs in January, simply feeling that God would open the right door for me. I have strong skills and qualifications but only received a few interviews. I also received no job offers.

I kept thinking that something would come. However, I found jobs I knew I didn’t want and the ones I wanted did not call for interviews. I began to think that God might be trying to tell me something.

So I then began to seriously consider my own counseling practice. I could continue to teach and build a practice. It would take time and effort but I felt it was the right thing to do. I would begin small, rent office space from someone once or twice a week as I built a practice. The first person I asked in regards to inquiring if he knew anyone who would be willing to rent their office responded with the following. “I don’t know anyone, but my group is looking for a part-time female therapist. Are you interested?” Of course I was, and what quickly followed was a meeting with the partners (a very laid back interview). They do the insurance billing (I receive a good percentage), they do the scheduling and I can control how much or little I work). I would not need to sign a contract to stay for a specific time. It almost appeared to be too good to be true.

I reminded myself that no other doors had opened. It seemed too easy. Perhaps this was the door God wanted me to walk through.

So I thought about the offer and sought the opinion of those I respect. I heard nothing but praises. I then agreed and over the past few weeks have been going through insurance credentialing (so that I can charge insurance). . As I waited on the process, I continued to apply for part-time jobs (just in case). I have heard nothing and began to accept that this was the sign I was receiving.

Taking this step is not without fear.

There is a part of me that still would love to have a job where I go to work and come home. However, I know this would not make me happy. I am someone who needs to be challenged, needs to create. I could no longer ignore that God was pushing me in this direction. The events which have lead me to this place have been too smooth to deny this is not his plan. Today, I am sharing with you that I am officially starting my new beginning. My career path will include transition counseling and specializing in grief and anxiety. I will continue to teach and will reevaluate the amount of classes I teach next fall. Additionally, I’ve been able to present trainings across the state on a regular basis (again, something else that came about as the result of an email). In time I would like to connect this blog to my practice but will wait for the right time. I will continue to provide the same inspirational and motivational posts.  Meanwhile, If you live in the Central Kentucky area and would like to know more information, please contact me. I know that it is now time for me to take this step into my new chapter. I can no longer stay where I am at because it would be too painful.

I have thoughts that perhaps I am not ready yet. I’ve even thought that I need more time. However, it is time for me to stop dreaming. It is time for me to take the jump and trust that I have the skills and ability to succeed on my own.

What I have learned here is to listen to your inner voice, that gut instinct. Don’t just talk about what you would like to do. Take the steps to explore your dreams. Ask the universe if this is what you should be doing. I am a firm believer that you will receive an answer.

Are you acknowledging your dreams? What are you doing to reach them?

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