You Can't Go Back There – That's Your Old Life!

As I shared with everyone earlier in the month, my intention and word for 2014 is to say “Hello” to things which come into my life. I have been practicing this over the past week in many different ways and one of those has been applying for jobs which appear interesting. 

Last week I received a phone call requesting an interview for a position in my old hometown (the town where Mom and Nanny lived and where I went to high school). I am more than qualified for the position but it does not necessarily excite me. I was asked if I was interested in an interview and as I am saying “Hello” to things, of course I said yes. She gave me the address and then asked if I was familiar with the town “I used to live there.” I responded.

After I ended the phone call, there was almost a sense of dread in regards to the interview. I wasn’t excited about this job possibility. This work as a therapist at a community agency truly wasn’t what I wanted to do. However I kept thinking I at least needed to go on the interview, practice my skills and maybe even see if there are other opportunities elsewhere in the agency.

That afternoon, I called my friend  Janice to tell her about it and when I told her where the position was, she firmly stated, “You can’t go back there. That’s your old life!”  

Those words were validation to me. What was I thinking even applying to a job in that city? I have no intentions of returning to the town where I grew up (even if it is only 15 minutes from my house). I left that city 15 years ago and except for visiting my Mom and Nanny, I have spent very little time there.

That is not where I belong. My friend is so correct. My life is not some Sandra Bullock  movie where I return to the hometown and reconnect and all is good. To be honest, I never truly fit in there and I am OK with that.

I realize that the past year of my life has been more about tearing down than building. I left my job, I lost my Mom and Nanny and realize there probably will never be a child. Perhaps subconsciously I thought that returning to a place I knew was better than going someplace I don’t know. 

My friend was right, that was my old life. Although there are pieces of me that are the same, I am not  the same person. I am different. I am better for what I have gone through and returning to the past will not benefit me.

Many of us go backward rather than forward in many areas of our life. We don’t like the job we are in but we stay on where we are or take one similar at another place because it won’t be too difficult.  We keep the same hairstyle because we aren’t brave enough to try something different. We go to the same restaurants because we know the food will be good.

As I’ve often stated, I truly do not know what is going to happen next in my life. I know I am at a place where I want to start making decisions and one of those is in my professional life (teaching is wonderful but not financially fulfilling and I haven’t  been able to spend much time on my private practice). 

This past week taught me something that I already knew but needed to be reminded about. The past is simply my past. I could go back there – but I don’t want to. I don’t need to.

And knowing where you don’t need to go is just as important as knowing where you are going. Do you know where you need to be?  ]]>