Last week I compared the transition process to learning to walk again.
Transitioning (even if it is to something positive) can be difficult at times. I continue to adapt to a new schedule of not having a job with regular hours and having my time split in multiple directions between private clients, teaching, grading and a personal life (which by the way includes more grief now that it used to). I used to have it all together and at times I feel like I am stumbling along the path.
Much like a baby, I’m learning to walk again in a new world.
This past weekend I did something I can not remember ever doing. I purchased a pair of flats (above right).
It was not until I came home to find a new space for the shoes in my closet that I realized the significance in the purchase. These cute little leopard flats are symbolism for my grief journey and the outward changes that we sometimes must make when we are in transition.
The shoes above on the left are a typical heel height of what I would wear on a daily basis. I’ve been five feet tall since middle school and I’m uncertain of when I discovered the power of heels. I can walk in them (I did a trip to New York City in a pair of fabulous knee high boots with a 2 inch heel). I have the ability to run in them if I need to. I simply love shoes and specifically heels.
Flats are not necessarily sexy. (I don’t think people will stop you to compliment you on flats)
Heels are sexy. (People will stop to tell you they like your heels)
I also chose the above heels to photograph because these were the shoes I wore to my Mom’s visitation and funeral. In many ways these heels symbolize who I used to be. After a death, there is no way you can ever be who you once were. Sometimes the shoes do not fit like they used to.
And the reality is, when you are on a journey you have to be prepared for many things. Although I am very agile in heels, I have to admit that they are not the best transitional piece. When you are traveling, you need to be prepared. Flats can be transitional.
I do not believe I was thinking any of this when I tired on the flats last weekend. What I was considering were:
1. They were on sale (and with a discount)
2. They were cute and different from anything else I owned
3. I will need to prepare for the weather and season change when it isn’t appropriate to wear my riding boots all the time
I miss my heels but currently I am acknowledging (and yes, it is painful to acknowledge) I am in a place in my life where they do not fit in my every day life. (Walking across a college campus is much more comfortable in riding boots).
Who knows where I am going to end up on this journey. However, what I do know is I am thankful to have found a cute pair of flats.