Blindsided and Broken
In football terms, your blindside is the area you can not see. It’s your vulnerable area.
I saw this (Nanny’s death, grief) coming and there was nothing I could do to protect myself. There was nothing anyone could do for me. I had to take this hit.
And now here I am -almost one week since Nanny’s death and four months (next week) since Mom’s death. If I were continuing to use football terms – I am still laid out on the field- or maybe I’ve been helped over to the sideline. I feel like I’ve been hit by a 600 pound lineman. There isn’t anything literally broken – but right now my life lies around me just as I described it in my first post The Pieces.
The physical pain of grief is often the most surprising. The body is heavy, your mind is fuzzy and unclear ( I call this grief brain). Every activity can be a challenge. I used to encourage my clients to view it as if they were injured and their predominant arm was broken. It will take longer to do everything.
I continue to know what I am feeling is normal and to be expected. Just as in football, the quarterback knows that lineman is going to hurt when they hit – but nothing can take away the pain of the hit. Just as athletes prepare and condition, I suppose I can say I am conditioned. I know what I need to do to care for my injuries.
Rehabilitating from any injury – physical or emotional – is not easy. It takes longer, hurts more than you want it to. Grief is not something that you “get over” – it is something you must “get through”. Over the past few days, I have begun my grief journey and I’m currently trying to regain my footing. Going back to the football analogy – it is like I have a concussion and I’m not totally together.
I’ve walked this walk with hundreds of others. I’ve been here myself before and I’m not a stranger. I do not doubt that I will make it through this. As my husband has stated many times “You’re going to be OK – it’s just going to be rough for awhile”. I believe that I will make it – that I’m even OK (for where I am) currently.
It simply takes some time to find your footing after you’ve been blindsided.
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Very moving post….continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey.